Possession of Cocaine

Question by Playstation Fan: how good or bad is my college essay?
I have to do a college essay for English over my chosen topic “Explain a social, national, or international problem, and it’s importance to you”
Prison Housing
For years the United States of America has utilized taxes for building schools, roads, hospitals, fortifying law enforcement, and providing government assistance such as school lunches or loans all for the greater good of the American people. But never has so much been used to house dangerous criminals or petty misdemeanors.In 2010 the U.S. Census Bureau recorded a whopping two million Americans incarcerated in prison and even more in juvenile correctional facilities, probation, and parole. It costs an average $ 47,000 per inmate per year for them to be housed and cared for. Almost forty billion precious American dollars every year spent taking care of murderers, thieves, rapists, and other national iniquities. I was outraged at the three square meals a day, lights, clothes, television, recreational activities, shelter, and beds these prisoners were receiving for free that some deprived children have never seen even before. Not to mention the free college education some prisons offer to their occupants for free, while students who follow the law have neck breaking student loans. So much hard earned American money has gone to these brutes and even in confinement their jail terms and costs still deter the U.S. economy.This waste of money is astonishing and a hindrance to the economy. The average cost to house an inmate is just as high as the income of the average American family which in some cases might not even be enough to sustain a family. That being said, one prisoner with a ten year sentence will sap almost half a million dollars from needy children, families, and elderly while being fed, educated and clothed on tax payer dollars. According to the Legislatives Analyst Office it prisoners get an average of $ 9,000 for Medicare for free, some Americans can’t even get good Medicare, and reducing this by a mere half would save America ten billion dollars a year. These wastes of money are hurtful to American integrity and society; one man’s unethical actions should not outweigh the needs of a family of four. I believe there are very good solutions to this problem that would greatly benefit society and prisoners alike. The academic education budget for prison can cost up to 213 million dollars a year and by cutting that in half a great deal of money can be put to more efficient and better teaching alternatives can be taught. A first degree murder should not be receiving so much money in scholarships and degrees college students are working hard for, but instead explicit education in moral and developing social skills. Teaching ethics to prisoners instructors can improve an inmate’s morality and prevent them from committing crimes again because on average four in 10 offenders will return to jail in a short time. Another resolution to the problem is to remove the state death penalty. It is cruel and violates the “cruel and unusual” eighth amendment in the Bill of Rights, because it allows a group of people to watch a person whether it has been an electric chair, firing squad, or injection die. Not only is this punishment amoral, but it also is a very costly procedure costing up to 2.4 million dollars per death row nominee. California alone spends 114 million dollars a year dealing with the death penalty. By removing the death penalty and giving life in prison instead, which is much cheaper, would tremendously cut prison housing costs. One heavy hitting solution would be for judges to shave years off of minor misbehaviors such as drug possession, burglary and theft, by shortening these sentences by one to two years would be the biggest contribution to cutting the cost of prison housing.In conclusion the cost to house prisoners is too much and it is hurting the Americas economy and its families and I believe there are better solutions and alternatives to this problem.

Best answer:

Answer by doctor
EXCELLENT it really cover the topic you chose quite well .????

Answer by JQuick
That’s one terrible essay, I must say. I would give you a solid F for many reasons.

First of all, you violated the most important rule of all essays with a prompt: always fully answer the prompt. You failed to explain why the problem is important to you. That was half of the prompt, so you should lose 50% for that huge mistake.

Your grammar is terrible. Nearly every sentence has major errors in grammar. You need to work with an English tutor and editor to identify these errors. There are so many that it would take hours to explain them all. Just a few examples are:

Lack of commas for introductory prepositional phrases
Improper use of the word “iniquities”
Improper use of the word “Medicare”

“According to the Legislatives Analyst Office it prisoners get an average of $ 9,000 for Medicare for free, some Americans can’t even get good Medicare, and reducing this by a mere half would save America ten billion dollars a year”

There is no such thing as the “Legislatives Analyst Office.” It’s “Legislative Analyst Office.” “it prisoners get an average” makes no sense at all. Again, a lack of proper punctuation makes it difficult to read.

Medicare is a specific medical insurance program for the elderly and disabled, not a word meaning general “medical care” as you are using it. Medicare doesn’t cover prisoners. Anyone incarcerated is ineligible to receive any benefits. Prisoners do receive some general medical benefits, but not medicare. This kind of mistake is devastating to your credibility. Nobody will believe anything you say when you make such a glaring error.

“Almost forty billion precious American dollars every year spent taking care of murderers, thieves, rapists, and other national iniquities.” missing the verb “are” before spent.

“I was outraged at the three square meals a day, lights, clothes, television, recreational activities, shelter, and beds these prisoners were receiving for free that some deprived children have never seen even before.”

You are outraged that inmates have lights and clothes? You would feel better for the inmates not to have clothes and be in the dark? Oh really? Let’s see how that works out.

You are clueless about the meaning and usage of the legal definition and rulings regarding “cruel and unusual punishment”, so your pronouncements about it are wrong and laughable to anyone who does know the legal history of this term.

“Not to mention the free college education some prisons offer to their occupants for free, while students who follow the law have neck breaking student loans.” This is an incomplete sentence. Plus, you mentioned what you wrote that you didn’t mention.

It will take too long to explain how silly and inaccurate your arguments have been written, yet the prompt did not ask for you to make any pronouncements or to even give your opinion about how to solve any problem. You were supposed to merely describe a problem and explain it’s importance to you. You didn’t do this, thus you get an F. You have to at least answer the question fully to get a C.

Your essay would be filled with red marks if reviewed by any English tutor, teacher, or editor. The kinds of errors you make are typical of international students taught English as a second language. Therefore, you really should hire a professional English editor to carefully review any essay that you write before you submit one for anything important, like an admissions application.

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